“A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face she inquired, “How heavy is this glass of water?” The answers called out ranged from 8oz to 20 oz. She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If i hold it for a minute, its not a problem. If i hold it for an hour, i’ll have an ache in my arm. If i hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer i hold it, the heavier it becomes.” She continued, “The stress and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them for a big longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed - incapable of doing anything.” Always remember to put the glass down.”—
“Feminism has fought no wars. It has killed no opponents. It has set up no concentration camps, starved no enemies, practiced no cruelties. Its battles have been for education, for the vote, for better working conditions, for safety in the streets, for child care, for social welfare, for rape crisis centres, women’s refuges, reforms in the law. If someone says, ‘Oh, I’m not a feminist’, I ask, ‘Why? What’s your problem?’”—Dale Spender, Man Made Language. (via donotcryout)
The whole misconception of “I’m not a feminist because that means I’d have to hate men and I love men” needs to DIE I’m a feminist but that doesn’t ever stop me from checking out a hot piece of ass I just want to be paid as much as that ass
What men mean when they talk about their “crazy” ex-girlfriend is often that she was someone who cried a lot, or texted too often, or had an eating disorder, or wanted too much/too little sex, or generally felt anything beyond the realm of emotionally undemanding agreement. That does not make these women crazy. That makes those women human beings, who have flaws, and emotional weak spots. However, deciding that any behavior that he does not like must be insane– well, that does make a man a jerk.
And when men do this on a regular basis, remember that, if you are a woman, you are not the exception. You are not so cool and fabulous and levelheaded that they will totally get where you are coming from when you show emotions other than “pleasant agreement.”
When men say “most women are crazy, but not you, you’re so cool” the subtext is not, “I love you, be the mother to my children.” The subtext is “do not step out of line, here.” If you get close enough to the men who say things like this, eventually, you will do something that they do not find pleasant. They will decide you are crazy, because this is something they have already decided about women in general.
“Have you ever noticed that humans have made it so difficult and complicated to “survive” in this world? It’s a vicious cycle. You go to school, and try really hard, so that you can get into a good college, and then you try really hard at college to get a good job, and then you try really hard at your job, so you can make money. And then your kids do the same thing. And everyone just keeps on doing this and no one even stops to think WHY they’re doing it anymore. Everyone just does it because it’s what you’re supposed to do. And like, before, when the human race had just started, the goal was to just SURVIVE. People just lived. I mean, that’s what really matters, right? Survival. Because after you die, it doesn’t matter what college you went to.”—Dylan, my 12 year old brother (via wildhaze)
“You are the only person who is in charge of how you feel about yourself. Nobody else can possibly do that. You get to decide if you believe you are beautiful or not, and nobody can take it away from you. If someone suggests that you aren’t beautiful, you can consider how sad it is that they have such a limited view of beauty. You can consider how unfortunate it is that they have such an exaggerated sense of self-importance that they think you should care about what they think. You can also choose to realize that it has nothing at all to do with your beauty and everything to do with their limitations.”—Ragen Chastain (via seabois)
whenever i leave a store without buying anything and i have a bag with me i’m always convinced that the owners will think i’m shoplifting so i try my hardest to wear an expression that says “i am not a shoplifter” but i’m fairly certain that i just end up looking like i have recently killed a family of 5 and eaten them for breakfast
I think that the randomly sampled American, no matter how conservative, would agree with the following statement: A woman has the right to walk down the street without intimidation, harassment, or threats of violence. Its only when we start adding qualifiers that disagreement blooms—a drunk woman, a woman of color, a trans woman, a woman wearing fishnets and a miniskirt, a butch woman; a dark street, a dangerous street, a street where a lot of men are loitering. Then we start getting hedgy—well she shouldn’t have worn that or she should’ve known better; to the downright condemning—she was asking for it. To some people, just the way a woman is—being a woman of color, being a trans woman—is reason enough for harassment or assault; for others it can be the way she presents herself, through her preferences to dress masculine, or revealingly; or it can be her actions—she was getting drunk, or, she was being flirtatious.
Where opinion splits, we see the shadow of rape culture. When we start using qualifiers to decide how a woman deserves safety, we see the shadow of rape culture. When we place culpability on the victim and not on the harassers, or, more importantly to me, not on the society which is fostering these beliefs, we see the shadow of rape culture. When we accept with complacency that violence is most common to those that are the most oppressed in society, we see the shadow of rape culture.
”—An excerpt from “The Un-Fun One about Safety, Harassment, Crying, and Dreams of Baseball Bat Wielding Vigilante Justice” that I’ll be posting on my Peace Corps blog in the next few days, where I’ll be writing about sexual harassment and rape culture in America and Indonesia, how it feels when you’re trying to be culturally flexible and critical simultaneously, and dealing with safety issues as a volunteer. (via sailorbaby)
“So on our message boards and in my many inboxes I read several dozen stories a year from miserable, lonely guys who insist that women won’t come near them despite the fact that they are just the nicest guys in the world.
So, what do you bring to the table? Because the Zooey Deschanel lookalike in the bookstore that you’ve been daydreaming about moisturizes her face for an hour every night and feels guilty when she eats anything other than salad for lunch. She’s going to be a surgeon in 10 years. What do you do?
“What, so you’re saying that I can’t get girls like that unless I have a nice job and make lots of money?”
No, your brain jumps to that conclusion so you have an excuse to write off everyone who rejects you by thinking that they’re just being shallow and selfish. I’m asking what do you offer? Are you smart? Funny? Interesting? Talented? Ambitious? Creative? OK, now what do you do to demonstrate those attributes to the world? Don’t say that you’re a nice guy — that’s the bare minimum. Pretty girls have guys being nice to them 36 times a day. The patient is bleeding in the street. Do you know how to operate or not?
“Well, I’m not sexist or racist or greedy or shallow or abusive! Not like those other douchebags!”
I’m sorry, I know that this is hard to hear, but if all you can do is list a bunch of faults you don’t have, then back the fuck away from the patient. There’s a witty, handsome guy with a promising career ready to step in and operate.
Does that break your heart? OK, so now what? Are you going to mope about it, or are you going to learn how to do surgery? It’s up to you, but don’t complain about how girls fall for jerks; they fall for those jerks because those jerks have other things they can offer. “But I’m a great listener!” Are you? Because you’re willing to sit quietly in exchange for the chance to be in the proximity of a pretty girl (and spend every second imagining how soft her skin must be)? Well guess what, there’s another guy in her life who also knows how to do that, and he can play the guitar. Saying that you’re a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn’t make you sick. You’re like a new movie whose title is This Movie Is in English, and its tagline is “The actors are clearly visible.”—David Wong, ”6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person” (via alxesi)